How to keep friends and (stop) influencing people

Hi all,

I'm still working on this, but I think the hardest part of having the struggles I do is that I'm not always the same guy.  I don't have the same amount of energy, belief in myself, happiness, or attitude that people become accustomed to.  In many ways, I hibernate in the winter, and I think that friends and family probably get used to it.  However, it's probably not easy for them to adjust.  I go from gregarious, sometimes overly so (hence the stop influencing people) to recalcitrant.  I wonder, however, what would happen if I was able to stay closer to the center more of the time.  Would I be able to be stable, stalwart and keep friendships for longer?  Would I be able to be more effective at my job?  Or would the flashes of insight that accompany my mania disappear, and leave me boring but stable?  I don't really know.  I am sure that I am able to maintain some stability most of the time (I've had 2 really  major events in my life, and some fights with depression), but I haven't stamped it out, because doing so would keep me stifled and lose most of who I am (I think). 

While trying to find the center, I've used several medications.  Some of them make me fat, tired, boring and unhappy.  I'm not manic, but I'm also not excited about life and therefore I get depressed (or at least very sad).  Some of them make me happy but sometimes too much so.  It's very difficult to keep things on the right track, involving a lot of self evaluation, listening to the feedback of others (like my mother and my coworkers).  Every time I get happy, I have to wonder if I'm too happy and I might become hypo manic or manic.  Every time I am sad, I have to evaluate whether I might become depressed. 

Anyway, food for thought.  Have a great day and stay healthy,

~Mark