Thursday, October 4, 2018

nervous when I'm happy

Hi all,

I hate my head sometimes.  I can't be happy without being introspective about it.  I can't be sad without it possibly being depression.  To quote X Ambassadors, "I get nervous when I'm happy, I get nervous, 'cause what goes up,  must go down."  I've been sick and persisting past it for 3 weeks.  Every day I wake up, cough out some green and yellow goo, and get ready for a day of school.  Apparently, I have been exhibiting manic behavior during this time too.  I don't see it.  I have been sleeping well, eating well, and not doing things that normally indicate mania.  I'm mostly enjoying teaching, interacting well with students and parents, and doing my job well.  I'm working out intermittently (at least a few times a week) and being social. 

Here are the warning signs (I guess).  I'm not always considerate to the level I usually am, or on time for things that aren't work, and I have been spending some money.  However, I almost bought a truck, a better audi, and a computer this summer and I managed to keep myself from doing so.  This restraint to me basically means that I'm not dangerously up.  I suppose, objectively, that posting videos with car-aoke, even when having a long road trip and suffering from boredom . . . could be seen that way. 

Anyway, I'm tired of it.  I don't want to have to constantly monitor myself and worry that I'm too happy . . . and I don't want to have to deal with whoever wants to tell me I'm too high.  But I guess it's my cross to bear, like diabetes or some other physical ailment.  Either way, have a great day all. 

~Mark
   

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